sUkmA JaRak

Yasmin Ahmad,51 passed away recently bcoz of stroke dat she probably had never figured out dat it wud strike her while she was doing her presentation at work..

It bothers me a lot dat she passed away dat early dat way. Fine,death doesn’t count ur age. If its time for u to go, no second will possibly delays. But still,it bothers me. It really do.

I have a DAD.. my only DAD is my beloved ABAH. And in less than 2 weeks he will turn 50.. what happened to Yasmin actually made me feel scared to my bone thinking about his age coming. I wish he’d be 40 forever.. seriously,im scared..

I only have abah who makes me feel there’s a reason fo me to continue living on dis very old earth.i only have abah dat makes me feel like a child still. I only have abah dat makes me see life wit wisdom as he is for me da wisest man on da planet.. even though I don’t cry to my dad when I feel like to,its bcoz I want him to know dat im strong for him if he ever needs me..even though I don’t share as much things I shared wit ma before,its becoz im alwiz keen to hear stories frm him.. alwiz eager to know how was his day or maybe how was ur childhood..how was ur teenage-hood.. how do u fall in luv wit ma? (since ma used 2 tell me how u won her heart..)..See? I haven’t hv much of my abah and suddenly he’s turning to 50 very soon. And at da age of 50,life can be threatened by lotsa things. N dats y im damn scared..

Pinch me ,so dat I realize my dad is 40 n there r plenty of time fo me n my others siblings to hv fun wit him. 3 days ago he asked me at da dining table, ”where do u think shud I spend my retirement?” I said “where else,if its not here..”. There’s no way im gonna let him spend his retirement other place without me n the others of his children. I wanna b wherever he is.

Buat ayahanda tersayang,

Forgive me for being dis very dependant on u at da age of reaching 30 but I want u to know dat I love u with all my heart and I wish to be with u as long as time can tell. I wanna take care of u even dat I know dat I may not be as gud as ma in cooking or cleaning or house managing but wat really matters to me is da time n luv we hv towards each other. So,please don’t plan of spending retirement days anywhere without us,ur only children. We need u. we alwiz need u no matter how tall or lebar we grew..

U have no idea how much u feature in our lives..

May Allah bless u wit gr8 health n happiness alwiz ,abah.. Semoga abah panjang umur sampai ida ade baby,mira kawen n ade babies which is not too long to wait (haha..),ina ade babies,ayim ade baby,erin ade baby,syalin ade baby n adik ade baby.. amin!

i luv u,abah..

Its 2am n ive decided to skip my nite sleep.

It has been days my mind keeps running stories inside my head.dis mind doesn’t seem to stop thinking n thinking n thinking n its begging me to pour it on a layout.. be it a bedsheet.. a clean white towel.. or a piece of paper ,it juz wont stop making stories winding up inside my head.

Yes,I hv a disturbed mind.im stucked. Whenever I thought Ive made a turn at certain point,I kept on seeing da same signboards ,da same junctions ..hence,I failed my way to da rite exit.funny isn’t it? Where am i?

Its very clear to say dat im lost. One cannot find a correct direction basically by its heart or shud I say instinct. Instinct doesn’t help u to choose da rite turn if u don’t know which way is heading where in da 1^st place. So,what does a lost person needs da most? A map..naah,its pretty lame. I need a GPS. A talking GPS.. yeah,dat will help a lot. Big time,I’d say.

1^st step : key in ur destination

2^nd step :press GO ,otherwise it doesn’t moves u.

3^rd step : trust ur GPS ,otherwise u wont b following it.

4^th step : read da signboards ,dat GPS could be wrong too (it happens)

5^th step : turn da GPS off (u sure don’t wanna waste da batt fo da next journey) as u’ve finally reach ur destination.

For real,I wish I hv a talking GPS.. for better,I wish we all hv a talking GPS. So dat we wont get lost at times. So dat we wont be wondering,shud I make a right turn at da 3^rd junction? or shud I juz take da 2^nd turn at da roundabout? or maybe its best for me to keep left until da end of da road..?

Time is running dat I cannot stop.

Even if I stop , nothing awaits me. Pointless isn’t it? Whatever happens, life goes on..

P.S. my dad is da greatest GPS. He knows almost all routes in Malaysia n we never get lost in any places we ever been travelled to.