Author Archive for vivavelise

27
Sep

here we go again

im so lucky 2 hv dis wonderful family..

im so blessed 2 hv such gud frenz around me..

im so grateful to allah atas rahmat n rezki he gave me.. alhamdulillah.

aidilfitri kali ini sgt sunyi. dlm gelak ketawa aku n adik2,kami msg2 sedar ade ruang kosong dlm jiwa kami semua. rs khilangn. biarpn ni dah kali kedue braye tanpa mama trsayang,rs sebak dlm hati x dpt ktorg tolak sdikit pn.. aku tgk adik je cukup la. he’s juz 9 n menyambut aidilfitri tanpa peluk cium ma tika usia sekecil itu,buat aku mnanges dlm hati. alangkah baik kalo aku punye ubat utk kdukaan itu.. bukan adik je,all of us sbenanye menanggung kdukaan yg amat perit utk beraye tanpa ma. suasana raye tu dtg dr suare gelak tawe ma,meriahnye raye tu hadir dgn jeritn n usikn ma.. indahnye hari raye tu bile ma ade utk semua.. alhamdulillah raye kali ni,ktorg still lg bley brhimpun,brpuase n braye brsame2.. cukup korum !

raye n puase thn lpas mengingatkn aku.. ramadhan n syawal wit dis guy i terribly fall in luv with. there were nothing much special abt him except we shared da same ‘khilangn org trsayg’ tragedy. we tend 2 understand each other very well,unlike sum other guys ive known who actually lgsg x sensitive (its like they juz couldnt be bothered 2 what uve lost,dieorg cuma nk tackle kite for sum shit reasons). later,we knew we hd developed feelings towards each other eventhough there was an age gap.thru out da rship,we dont really feel da varians of age n things went perfectly gr8 along d way. we took care of each other very much as if we only hv each other.as far as i cn remember,being with him was like being on a cushion.. so comfortable. dis yr ramadhan n raye,i celebrated witout him. well,ive moved on (slpas mlalui such a devastated-depressed-broken hearted period). since d day he realized he’s not up to any commitment yet (lelaki..ermm..),i decided 2 call it off - our relationship which is obviously ridiculous utk aku truskn. 2 my surprise,he came back recently looking 4 me.his words r telling me`is hoping things wud still b da same like we used to..(wtf!) da thought of he was different than sum guys hd simply fade away.. its juz dat its so hard 2 deny dat i wish he’d b different. (2 find sum1 whom u feel so attached to,dependant to,comfortable 2 talk n 2 b with is hella damn difficult).

dugaan tuhan punya hikmahnye trsendiri.

meskipn aidifitri ini ku lalui tanpa ma trcinta,meskipn jua tanpa insan yg istimewa.. raye kali ni aku n adik2 beraye dgn kueh raye yg sgt sdap,rendang ayam buatn sendiri kali pertama yg lazat hingga menjilat pinggan..haa! raye kali nih kg lada chengkau x sunyi dr dentuman thunder clap,mercun bola n mercun roket.. raye kali nih abh bwk ktorg ziarah wanTam,atuk Jo,wan alang,wan along smpai da x larat nk mkn da aritu.. yang penting sekali,aidilfitri kali nih telah merapatkn hub aku,adik2 n abh.. semoga ianya kekal or menjd lebey baek dimase akn dtg.. insya allah.

I throw all of your stuff away
Then I clear you out of my head
I tear you out of my heart
And ignore all your messages

I tell everyone we are through
‘Cause I’m so much better without you
But it’s just another pretty lie
‘Cause I break down
Every time you come around
Oh oh!

So how did you get here under my skin?
I swore that I’d never let you back in
Should’ve known better than trying to let you go
‘Cause here we go go go again

Hard as I try I know I can’t quit
Something about you is so addictive
We’re falling together, you’d think that by now I’d know
‘Cause here we go go go again

You never know what you want
And you never say what you mean
But I start to go insane
Every time that you look at me

You only hear half of what I say
And you’re always showing up too late
And I know that I should say goodbye
But it’s no use
Can’t be with or without you!
Oh oh

So how did you get here under my skin?
I swore that I’d never let you back in
Should’ve known better than trying to let you go
‘Cause here we go go go again

Hard as I try I know I can’t quit
Something about you is so addictive
We’re falling together, you’d think that by now I’d know
‘Cause here we go go go again, ‘gain

And again
(And again)
And again
(And again)
And again!

I threw all of your stuff away
And I cleared you out of my head
And I tore you out of my heart
Oh oh, oh oh

So how did you get here under my skin?
I swore that I’d never let you back in
Should’ve known better than trying to let you go
‘Cause here we go go go again

Hard as I try I know I can’t quit
Something about you is so addictive
We’re falling together, you’d think that by now I’d know
‘Cause here we go go

Here we go again
Here we go again!
Should’ve known better than trying to let you go
‘Cause here we go go go again

Again
And again
And again
And again

06
Aug

COOKIES fo RAYE!!

yummm!

yummm!

yummy y'all !

yummy y

hi kengkawan!

ni kueh raye my anty buat.. every year witout fail,we all alwiz bli kueh raye kt die. sgt sdap ok.. i gerenti u all kesdapn nye hingge menjilat balang kueh.. haha!

so sesape yg brminat nk bli any of dis kueh raye,kindly let me know ya.. kalo lmbat tempah nnt kitchen tutup tau.. hik!

okies.. da recommended ones r Lazaros Oat, Crunchy Cookies, Pinky Cruncy & Chocolate Deluxe.. those r recommended by me jer.. yg laen2 tu org laen ckp sdap la..

so, da above katalogs r fo ur simply delightful-mouth watering- perusal ok..? =)

it looks nice but trust me,it taste nicer !!

05
Aug

mr.pegawai kastam

Aku harus siap menghadapi hidup ini. Apa pun yang terjadi hidup di dunia ini hanya sekali. Aku tidak boleh gagal dan sia-sia tanpa berguna.

Tugasku adalah menyempurnakan niat dan ikhtiar. Segala yang terjadi aku serahkan kepada Allah Yang Maha Tahu, yang terbaik bagiku.

Aku harus sedar yang terbaik bagiku menurutku belum tentu yang terbaik menurut Allah s.w.t. Bahkan, mungkin aku menuruti keinginan dan harapanku sendiri.

Pengetahuanku mengenai diriku atau apa pun amat terbatas sedangkan pengetahuan Allah menyelimuti segalanya. Dia tahu awal, akhir dan segalanya.

Sekali lagi betapa pun aku amat menginginkan sesuatu, tetapi hatiku harus ku persiapkan untuk menghadapi kenyataan yang tidak sesuai dengan harapanku. Kerana mungkin itulah yang terbaik bagiku.

Gudluck,awk.. gudluck dlm mencari.. gudluck dlm menghadapi apa jua dugaan Allah. Sememang nye hanye Allah yg tau ape yg trbaek utk kite.. my prayers r for u..

30
Jul

wode papa

Yasmin Ahmad,51 passed away recently bcoz of stroke dat she probably had never figured out dat it wud strike her while she was doing her presentation at work..

It bothers me a lot dat she passed away dat early dat way. Fine,death doesn’t count ur age. If its time for u to go, no second will possibly delays. But still,it bothers me. It really do.

I have a DAD.. my only DAD is my beloved ABAH. And in less than 2 weeks he will turn 50.. what happened to Yasmin actually made me feel scared to my bone thinking about his age coming. I wish he’d be 40 forever.. seriously,im scared..

I only have abah who makes me feel there’s a reason fo me to continue living on dis very old earth.i only have abah dat makes me feel like a child still. I only have abah dat makes me see life wit wisdom as he is for me da wisest man on da planet.. even though I don’t cry to my dad when I feel like to,its bcoz I want him to know dat im strong for him if he ever needs me..even though I don’t share as much things I shared wit ma before,its becoz im alwiz keen to hear stories frm him.. alwiz eager to know how was his day or maybe how was ur childhood..how was ur teenage-hood.. how do u fall in luv wit ma? (since ma used 2 tell me how u won her heart..)..See? I haven’t hv much of my abah and suddenly he’s turning to 50 very soon. And at da age of 50,life can be threatened by lotsa things. N dats y im damn scared..

Pinch me ,so dat I realize my dad is 40 n there r plenty of time fo me n my others siblings to hv fun wit him. 3 days ago he asked me at da dining table, ”where do u think shud I spend my retirement?” I said “where else,if its not here..”. There’s no way im gonna let him spend his retirement other place without me n the others of his children. I wanna b wherever he is.

Buat ayahanda tersayang,

Forgive me for being dis very dependant on u at da age of reaching 30 but I want u to know dat I love u with all my heart and I wish to be with u as long as time can tell. I wanna take care of u even dat I know dat I may not be as gud as ma in cooking or cleaning or house managing but wat really matters to me is da time n luv we hv towards each other. So,please don’t plan of spending retirement days anywhere without us,ur only children. We need u. we alwiz need u no matter how tall or lebar we grew..

U have no idea how much u feature in our lives..

May Allah bless u wit gr8 health n happiness alwiz ,abah.. Semoga abah panjang umur sampai ida ade baby,mira kawen n ade babies which is not too long to wait (haha..),ina ade babies,ayim ade baby,erin ade baby,syalin ade baby n adik ade baby.. amin!

i luv u,abah..

30
Jul

congrats cecwan !

30
Jul

GPS

Its 2am n ive decided to skip my nite sleep.

It has been days my mind keeps running stories inside my head.dis mind doesn’t seem to stop thinking n thinking n thinking n its begging me to pour it on a layout.. be it a bedsheet.. a clean white towel.. or a piece of paper ,it juz wont stop making stories winding up inside my head.

Yes,I hv a disturbed mind.im stucked. Whenever I thought Ive made a turn at certain point,I kept on seeing da same signboards ,da same junctions ..hence,I failed my way to da rite exit.funny isn’t it? Where am i?

Its very clear to say dat im lost. One cannot find a correct direction basically by its heart or shud I say instinct. Instinct doesn’t help u to choose da rite turn if u don’t know which way is heading where in da 1st place. So,what does a lost person needs da most? A map..naah,its pretty lame. I need a GPS. A talking GPS.. yeah,dat will help a lot. Big time,I’d say.

1st step : key in ur destination

2nd step :press GO ,otherwise it doesn’t moves u.

3rd step : trust ur GPS ,otherwise u wont b following it.

4th step : read da signboards ,dat GPS could be wrong too (it happens)

5th step : turn da GPS off (u sure don’t wanna waste da batt fo da next journey) as u’ve finally reach ur destination.

For real,I wish I hv a talking GPS.. for better,I wish we all hv a talking GPS. So dat we wont get lost at times. So dat we wont be wondering,shud I make a right turn at da 3rd junction? or shud I juz take da 2nd turn at da roundabout? or maybe its best for me to keep left until da end of da road..?

Time is running dat I cannot stop.

Even if I stop , nothing awaits me. Pointless isn’t it? Whatever happens, life goes on..

P.S. my dad is da greatest GPS. He knows almost all routes in Malaysia n we never get lost in any places we ever been travelled to.

23
Jul

si no te tengo lloro..

im in luv wit dis beautiful song..it has a very pleasing melody.seolah setiap bait lirik begitu mendayu menyatakan stiap luahn prasaan dari nye.. nice!

sang by enrique iglesias ~ Lloro Por Ti

Lloro por ti
Desde aquel momento quisiera, detener el tiempo
La peor decicion de mi vida fue decirte adios
Donde estas ?

Te busque en el infinito, y en las huellas de tus manos (huellas de tus manos)
En uno de tus cigarrillos , esperando hasta el cansancio.

Y tu me has echado al olvido y la suerte se me escapa en un suspiro
Y tu te me vas de las manos y la vida se me rompe en mil pedasos
Y yo lloro por ti.

So?ando que lo nuestro tiene algun remedio
Lloro por ti
Es que no hay forma de olvidarme de tus besos
Lloro por ti
Es que no dejo de pensar cuanto te quiero
Lloro por ti

Quiero ser sincero
Y llevo en ti pensando todo el dia, deja ya la rebeldia
Lloro que lloro y la cama sigue vacia, tu eres mi alegria mi buen agonia
Por ti yo vivia sin ti yo nada seria
Detente a hablar conmigo un poco que me vuelvo yo loco loco porque ya no tengo tu piel
Contigo fui fiel
Y ahora vivo con el problema de tenerte tan lejos

Y tu has llenado el vacio ,en un rincon donde tu boca fue mi alivio
y tu te me vas de las manos (viviendo de recuerdos) y la vida se me rompe en mil pedazos
y yo lloro por ti

No puedo seguir, despertando aqui en este cuarto solo ,si no te tengo lloro(x2)

Y es que no encuentro una salida ni la forma de curar etsas heridas
y yo lloro por ti
So?ando que lo nuestro tiene algun remedio
Lloro por ti
Es que no hay forma de olvidarme de tus besos
Lloro por ti
Es que no dejo de pensar cuanto te quiero
Lloro por ti, lloro por ti

No puedo seguir, despertando aqui en este cuarto solo ,si no te tengo lloro(x2)

01
Jul

july n rejab

02 July 2009 bersamaan dgn 10 Rejab 1430..

when i looked back,bulan july thn lpas was a very tough month fo me..i cn still recall hw it feels.in fact, i cn even feel it nw.. rs sebak n sedih.i remember very well how was she doing frm day 2 day..

d removal of tumor in her brain..she went thru dat wit courages which no1 cn ever imagine.lpas je surgery tuh,yes she stopped vomitting but later then she had difficulty in breathing. i cn still picture hw difficult fo her 2 sleep at nite. in d middle of da nite,i’d b juz by her side.. holding her hand or rubbing her swollen right arm wit minyak kayu putih.. we usually had mom n daughter talk almost every nite while every1 was sleeping.. there were giggles n cries. i cn still see her smile when i asked her “ma,sdap x milo ida wat?” she’d answer “bley la..” but never wanted any1 else buatkn milo tuh except me. same goes wit her warm water. nobody knows mcm mane nk wat utk die air suam yg slightly 1% je kurg dr hot  water..well,she called dat suam. sbenanye,stiap kali die mintak air suam tuh,i’d drink a sip 1st.if my tongue rs pedih cket,dat fits her suam.. pn begitu,i never get tired of doing anything fo her.. never. hw i wish i’d be able 2 do so again bcoz juz by being at her side,it shines enuff my day n nite.. ya allah,walau pn ianya sebulan yg menghimpit hati n prasaan,ianya tetap sebulan yg sgt brmakna pd ku..

masuk je bulan rejab thn lpas,me n mira brpuase sakan.. sbb doa org brpuase kn atr doa yg mustajab.siang mlm kami brdoa,menangis di sjadah mohon allah sembuhkn mama..ma ckp die suke sgt ktorg puase di buln rejab.. ma pnah ckp ,nnt bile ma xde, rajin2 puase sunat n bace al-quran ye.. “brdoalah kpd allah..krn allah itu maha mendengar” ade 1 mlm tu ma tnye,”ida doa ape td?” bcoz she saw me crying ms solat.. i said “ida minta allah angkat sume kesakitn mama,ida mintak allah sembuhkn ma cpat..” erm,lpas ni kalo doa,ida doa la mcm ni ya allah ya tuhanku,tuhan yg maha pengasih lg maha penyayang,berikn lah yg trbaik buat mama ku krn engkau lah tuhan yg maha bijaksana lg maha mengetahui.. i said ok.pastu,itu la doaku yg x putus stiap kali solat. Jelas la slps itu,pemergian mama kembali ke rahmatullah adalah yg trbaik buat die.. wallahualam.

skjap je mase brlari,30.07 nnt genap la setahun ma pegi.. 27 rejab nnt juga genap la setahun thn islam ma pegi meninggalkn aku,adik2 n abh.. skejap saje setahun itu brlalu tp aku.. aku masih lg brharap ma ade kt rumah ni. aku masih lg brharap aku ade mama utk brmanje.. aku masih lg brharap hafiz ade mama utk die peluk n cium2 stiap mlm.. aku masih lg brharap abah x kesunyian n ade mama utk brgurau n brkongsi cerita. aku masih brharap semuanye seperti dahulu kala.. aku masih brharap.. ampunkan lah segala dosa2 ku ya allah. hambamu ini insan yg sgt lemah..yg sgt rapuh tanpa kasih sayangMu..

ma,ida rindu ma sgt2..

23
Jun

U8 haha

kt kdai u8 td..

eryn: mkcik,topup 10 inggit

indon: cari apa dik?

eryn: topup 10 inggit..

indon: apanya?

eryn:hotlink 10 inggit

indon: berapa?

eryn: 10 inggit..! grrr..

indon: digi apa hotlink ?

eryn: hotlink,makcik.. (adussss..!)

indon: owh iya..

saket pipi aku gelak kn eryn ngan indon sengal tuh.. hahaha

16
Jun

your halo

Remember those walls I built?
Well, baby they are tumbling down
And they didn’t even put up a fight
They didn’t even make a sound
I found a way to let you in
But, I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now
It’s like I’ve been awakened
Every rule I had, you break it
It’s the risk that I’m taking
I ain’t never gonna shut you out!

Everywhere I’m looking now
I’m surrounded by your embrace
Baby, I can see your halo
You know you’re my saving grace
You’re everything I need and more
It’s written all over your face
Baby, I can feel your halo
Pray it won’t fade away

I can feel your halo
I can see your halo
I can feel your halo
I can see your halo
Halo, ooh ooh…..

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You’re the only one that I want
Think I’m addicted to your light
I swore I’d never fall again
But this don’t even feel like falling
Gravity can’t forget
To pull me back to the ground again

It’s like I’ve been awakened
Every rule I had, you break it
It’s the risk that I’m taking
I’m never gonna shut you out!

Everywhere I’m looking now
I’m surrounded by your embrace
Baby, I can see your halo
You know you’re my saving grace
You’re everything I need and more
It’s written all over your face
Baby, I can feel your halo
I pray it won’t fade away

I can feel your halo
I can see your halo
I can feel your halo
I can see your halo
Halo, ooh ooh…..
I can feel your halo
I can see your halo
I can feel your halo
I can see your halo
Halo, ooh ooh…..
Halo, ooh ooh…..
Halo, ooh ooh, ooooh……..

Everywhere I’m looking now
I’m surrounded by your embrace
Baby, I can see your halo
You know you’re my saving grace
You’re everything I need and more
It’s written all over your face
Baby, I can feel your halo
I pray it won’t fade away

I can feel your halo
I can see your halo
I can feel your halo
I can see your halo
Halo, ooh oooh…….
I can feel your halo
I can see your halo
I can feel your halo
I can see your halo
Halo, ooh oooh…….

~pampered still..